My mother and I have been having an ongoing conversation about belief in God.  Specifically my lack of belief in God.  I  thought I would share the conversation here.  I am no great scholar by any means.  I have spent a number of years in the church being somewhat active in various programs.  I have taught Sunday School for both adults and children.  After a serious  study of the Bible that took over two years, I decided I  no longer believed what I was taught or what I had been teaching.  This and other things which I will address later led me to a crisis of faith where I left my church.

My mother is concerned about the fact I no longer  accept Jesus as my personal savior.  Since most of our conversation has been via e-mail, I thought I would share it here on this blog.  I invite you to comment and tell me where my reasoning is flawed and where I’m just plain wrong.  My goal in posting this is to better understand my own view of the world by exposing it to a wider audience.   The first post comes from an e-mail that my Mom sent the day after a phone call.  In this call she asked why I wasn’t going to church any longer. I explained some of my reasons, what follows begins a back and forth exchange we had.

In a separate  post I will post my response to her email.  The theme of  “not looking for confirmations of your doubt” is a constant in our conversations.

Just a little more about our conversation yesterday.

A story is told about a British conference held discussing what, if anything, was unique to the Christian faith.  C.S. Lewis wandered into the room and asked what all the rumpus was about.  They relayed their question to them and his reply was, “Oh, that’s easy – grace.”

That’s what its all about.  I’ve struggled many years with the Christian life.  Trying to understand this and that, why God does this and not that, why is this so hard.  In spite of the struggle, I determined I would not give up.  About 5–7 years ago, I began to notice a change in myself–it’s really unexplainable.  I’m pretty sure it was grace working in my life.  I so desperately needed it, but just couldn’t “get” it.  Finally (and again, this is so hard to explain) I was able to understand what God was trying to do in my life.  One of those “scales falling from the eyes” experiences.  I think I finally now understand what it means to be “born again.”  I’m not going to say that I don’t still struggle–however, my struggle is not with God and Christ-it’s with people.

There’s a lot of ungrace in this world, especially in the Christian church.  Most people don’t understand grace and quite frankly don’t think they need it because they’re good and they keep the rules.

Stay on your journey for the truth.  Be careful you don’t look for confirmations for your doubts.  I firmly believe God has a grip on you and will not let you go.

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